Shattering Realizations
by MissingMommy
Summary: Gideon and Regulus will never recover from the damage the caused with the words said and deeds done. : "And as much as I would love for "I'm sorry" to fix everything, it just won't. Not this time" : RegulusGideon. One-shot. M&MWP.


_This is how a heart breaks_

Gideon Prewett had been pacing in an abandoned classroom for over an hour, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his companion. It had been a long winter break at his house, with his siblings arguing over petty things and their parents fighting. But that wasn't what was bothering the young redheaded man – his companion was.

Gideon knew that Regulus was supposed to have gotten Marked over the break. He hoped that, somewhere deep down, Regulus would realize that he shouldn't do it. But Gideon knew Regulus was too loyal to his family to make the right decision.

Regulus walked in, breaking Gideon out of his thoughts. Before Regulus could move too far into the room, Gideon met him with quick steps. "Please tell me you didn't," Gideon begged. When Regulus was silent, Gideon pushed him roughly against the wall. "Tell me you didn't get Marked!" he growled.

But when Regulus averted his eyes from Gideon's piercing brown ones, Gideon knew that he had. With a sigh of defeat, Gideon moved away from Regulus. "Why'd you do it?" Gideon asked softly, almost as if he knew he wasn't going to like the answer.

Regulus didn't move from his position against the wall. "We both know why I did," he replied, his quiet voice unlike the thunderous pounding in his chest. He was surprised that Gideon couldn't hear it in the nearly silent room.

"I want to hear the reasons, Regulus," Gideon snarled. It was the first time since they got together that Gideon had called Regulus by his first name. Gideon always thought his name put too much pressure on Regulus and he didn't want to add to that pressure. Regulus had always been "Reg", at least to Gideon.

"Why do my reasons matter? I did it and now only death can save me," Regulus shrugged carelessly, yet he was far from careless. He cared about Gideon but he cared more about his family and their power and position.

Gideon turned away from Regulus. "I thought you were different. But now I know you're nothing more than a coward," he said as he made his way to the door. Since his back was turned, he missed the flare of anger in Regulus' eyes.

"At least I know I will be on the winning side." The words were out of Regulus' mouth before he knew what he was saying. And he wasn't used to speaking before thinking, but Gideon had always made him forget who he was; at least, when Regulus was with him.

Before Regulus could say another word, Gideon was in front of him. Motioning wildly toward nothing in particular, Gideon spoke, anger lacing every syllable. "That! That's what you _want_? To win. You want the world to be taken over by that…that _monster_ because you don't think Muggle-borns are worthy." By this point, Gideon was shaking with fury. "But you know, I think it's the Purebloods who aren't worthy. They think they're so mighty, but Muggle-borns are better than Purebloods ever could be."

Even with Gideon in his face, Regulus didn't flinch. "I'm being realistic here, Gideon. The Dark Lord will win this war. And when he does, I hope you're on the right side; because if you aren't –," Regulus suddenly broke off, unable to finish his thought.

"Because I'll what?" Gideon asked, not letting Regulus off that easily. "I'll get punished, or even killed, for my disobedience? Thanks but no. I'll be fighting on the right side no matter the cost Regulus, because I care about people other than myself."

"I care about you," Regulus argued, finally looking into Gideon's eyes. "You know I do."

Gideon shook his head and laughed bitterly. "I don't think you ever did, Regulus. If you cared about me at all, you wouldn't have joined the enemy side!" he cried out in exasperation.

"It would have been a disgrace to my family if I refused," Regulus said, his face melting back into indifference.

"Finally, I get a reason out of you," Gideon narrowed his eyes. He stared at Regulus for a while before he said anything else. "Why does it matter what your family thinks of you? Your brother didn't care. Then again, maybe _he_ realized that it's his own life and he needs to live it his way."

Regulus didn't say anything. Instead, he made his way to the door. With his hand on the door handle, he turned to Gideon. "I'm sorry I can't be Sirius. And I'm sorry that my loyalties lie with my family."

Gideon crossed the room in a few short strides. "Maybe you two aren't as different as you think, Reg. You both are fiercely loyal for one thing," he said, covering Regulus' hand with his own.

Forcing himself to look Gideon in the eye, Regulus sighed. "I can't change my decision now. I'm in it for life," he reminded Gideon softly. Gideon just nodded.

"I know."

"And things we've said today. Gideon," he started. But he shook his head and glanced down, before making eye contact again. "I know I've said some things that I shouldn't have."

"I know," Gideon repeated.

Regulus sighed, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading. But he wanted to prevent it, prevent losing _this_ because, by god, it had come to mean a lot more than he was willing to admit. So, he whispered again, "I'm sorry." And he was; they both knew it.

"I know you are, Reg. But we can't un-say the words or undo the hurt we've caused today. And as much as I would love for "I'm sorry" to fix everything, it just won't. Not this time," Gideon replied, sadly.

As much as Regulus hated to admit it, he knew Gideon was right; he usually was when it came to things like this. Instead of fighting against the inevitable, Regulus nodded his head. "The moment we walk out of that door," Gideon said, motioning vaguely to the door before continuing, "we'll be enemies. You know that, Regulus. You'll try to kill me, just like I'll try to kill you. This," again, he motioned between them, "won't work. Not in this lifetime. Maybe if things were different or if you didn't join him, we could've worked."

"I understand," Regulus said. Before leaving, Regulus pressed his lips against Gideon's as a final goodbye. "Please remember that I did care about you at some point in my life, Gideon. Can you do that for me?" he asked softly when he pulled away.

Gideon nodded. "I know you did," he whispered as Regulus retreated through the door without waiting for his answer. "But it doesn't matter because you don't anymore," he said to the emptiness. Sinking to the floor, Gideon felt his heart shatter at the realization; because he, at least, still cared about Regulus with all of the broken pieces of his heart.

**A/n – lyrics at the top are from Rob Thomas' song "This is how a heart breaks", which I thought was pretty fitting. Also, this was inspired slightly by Michael Jackson's song, "Man in the Mirror". This is a mew and mor weird pairing, so please give them credit if you use them. **

**I would like to thank TamariChan for her wonderful beta-ing!**

_**Please, please don't favorite without reviewing!**_


End file.
